thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
