I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
