So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Randomize
