she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
