the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
