my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
