I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
