My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
