hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
