CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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