Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
