apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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