Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
