You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
