We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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