at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
