these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
