I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
