Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
