Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
