it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
