i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
