Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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