sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
