The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
