At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Randomize
