Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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