Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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