He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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