I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i was born a porn star she said
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
