she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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