You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
