I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
