Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
