im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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