there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
