I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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