dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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