One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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