we'll go far in life on tits alone.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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