My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
