I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
