I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
