all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
