I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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