If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
