I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
