you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
