i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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