I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You're like the curious george of whores
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
