Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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