White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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