I molested 6 butterflies tonight
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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