oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Small penises have feelings too.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
