Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
